In my world...nothing would be like it is

Monday, April 19, 2004

its coming to an end.

Well kids Ive decided to switch journal things. Its bascially bc the blogdrive thing isnt owkring and when u read my blog u have to like keep going from side to side to read. it annoys me. So i made a livejournal. I'll probabaly update this one every now and then. and if i can figure out hwo to fix it I will probabaly start writting in it more often but untill then http://www.livejournal.com/users/keepsakeshoebox/ woulds be my new journal

Posted at 4/19/2004 by melloyellow
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Sunday, April 11, 2004

id rather fall into the blade than fall into those eyes.. i just want to get you out of my head.., but then again i dont

So don't go worrying about me It's not like I think about you constantly So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect your life anymore I knew it the moment you walked into the door I havnt written in here in like frover and forever ago. Lets see last time I wrote a got a job and such..yea i still have it i guess that means im doing ok. hmm lets seee One night i guess a couple of weekend ago I went to skyfire..it was alright...the only joy i guess out of the evening was me, ashleigh, erika, and ami were being freaks. Last thursday was the egg drop thingy i dindt even drop mine..the egg i put in there broke while i was messin w/ it so i like broke it myself by letting ali throw it in the air several times. so after that i chilled w/ ashleigh, ami, ali, and justin. I bascially just talked to Ami at the end..we just talked about things and such since we havnt really talked in a while. That night it was open mic night at java..i love goin there...when i got there Paul was like "jumping" in the lake..yea the kid like hurt his ankles..CrAzY...so all the covington boys had to leave except dennis stayed. Well i walked around w/ sarah, ave, and tommy and some kids. Then i went inside to watch Erik play then Ronnie and dennis and bryan and some other ppl sang this song about being gay. great stuff. THen like Shawn taps me on the shoulder..which was weird bc he like doesnt go to java or anyhting. So im like heyy so we talked and caught up w/ each others lives i guess u could say. fun night. Yesterday I went to work got off at 4 Jason brought me home then i changed and Ali came to pick me up 4 sweet and sour fest. it was alright..not alot of ppl went. i didnt even see a fire eater..they prob lied...I got there right when gang of creeps were playing...yay for gang of creeps...im in love..and the bassist is SO hott and SO 35..o well he is still nice to look at at. This girl i meet Lauren introduced me to him..so yay. I saw Tabe 2. just as pretty as when i meet him. Then hmm we just pretty much sat and stood w/ sarah and josh and watch josh make fun of ppl. he is a crazy boy. anywho i watched breakdown..i always enjoy them....esp. cause there all so pretty and i like there music. 4 sight came on next but i went outside w/ ali to find mego. She was tlaking to the guy that was selling t-shirts from that store in covington. He goes to my school. the t-shirts are pretty kool 2. i like the micheal jackson one. i told my mom about it and she goes "i hope u dont get that..he rapes lil boys sarah" she gets mad when i tell him "he was framed" bc he was and thats what im going by. anywho well me and ali left. Then today I worked 11:00 till 4:00..lots of ppl but it wasnt that hards. Tommorow im going to orange beach w/ chambless and ave and however else, but we dont know. yay for spring break is all i gots to say. only a couple of hours till i leave this freakin town. I will write about my spring break holiday when i gets home. which will be thursday. but knwing me i prob. wont wirte about it till like sunday. this is a way that i'm learning to breathe. i'm learning to crawl. i'm learning that you & you alone can break my fall. i'm living again, awake and alive. i'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies.

Posted at 4/11/2004 by melloyellow
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Friday, March 26, 2004

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives..the only thing that matters is just following your heart and evenutally you'll finally get it right...i love that lyric

HOLY MOLLY i have things to wrte in here. yes Well I figured things have been wacko. My whole situation has just been the pits. I know it annoys everyone..i can tell...Well this week has been decent. I found out some decent news....yea i stalk the boy...and I GOT A JOB. thats right kids a job. I even got 2 job offers on the same night...i felt like such kool shit. haha well anywho its at the resturant Friends and im gonna be a hostees. Tonight was my first night..it was pretty kool. im excited. This gives me chance to make money..and get my mind of things. I mean yea im gonna have to give up my lazy weekends of doing pretty much w/e comes to mind. BUt i need to be busy. Thinking just makes me upset. I only thought about him once at my job. or maybe twice..lets just say its a big improvement to the times i think about him during the day. gosh im an obsessive dork. Its really unattractive too. GAWDDDD well anywho life is getting better. Im probabaly gonna keep my weekend all work all the time till Spring Break. i think. i dunno. well im SO tired so i shall write sunday LOVE UUUUUUUUUUU

Posted at 3/26/2004 by melloyellow
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004

This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue

Ive decided today not to write about what has been happening w/ me after 2 days. Bc it wouldnt make much of an entry. Instead I thought I would just write about a certain topic a topic I have thought about a lot lately..the topic of Love. i know everyone is interested about that..i mean when has there been a time u havnt said the word love or thought about it. So I cant think of better topic to write about. i belive its never to early or late to fall in love. its one of the most important things u could do. Many times ppl get so caught up in learning about and trying to understand it..then acually experiancing it. no one should do that..stop using your head at times and look at the world around u and listen to your heart. You will know in your heart what it feels like and how it works. it comes up so fast.. You probabaly all think im in love..well of course i am silly. With you, laughter, the smell of rain, music, tacos, gummy bears, night drives, and so on..but maybe the question is am I in love with a certain someone..i dont know..i know my feelings..but are they strong enough to be love.wish i knew..love is so strong..crushes come and go..caring about someone will always stay the same..but love will always be there. Will his name be in my heart..forever...only time will tell. untill then..i care for him deeply and i will always love him. no im not insane today or anything I just want people to think about maybe what there heart offers. I understand the hurt and misary those 5 lil words can cause, or even all the pain in this word. I alos know im still young and I have plenty of time ahead of me to see the many outcomes in life. I do know all the moments make ppl realize what kind of person they are. It's crazy how every mistake we make and every amount of trouble we get ourselves into helps another as it helps ourselves to learn more about each other and how to love in the long run. Love cant come without pain and love wouldnt exsist if bad things didnt happen every now and then. Well thats it w/ my lil ramble........................................................................................................................................................................... ~Exactly How it is and How i feel~ he has no idea of her beautiful obsession... What is she thinking? he never gives her the attention she longs for. not even enough time for a simple smile. How would he give her the time of day for a beautiful embrace, a warm touch of his hand, or that sweet eye contact that shows he cares? he`ll never see her beauty that hides behind her soft brown hair. but behind it, is a beautiful pair of big brown eyes, .f.i.l.l.e.d. .w.i.t.h. .t.e.a.r.s. behind the shyness that she holds within, is the softness of her lips touching his. they're hurting for something so good. if he'd just look closer, she'd have him captured. captured in both of their beauty. he's caught in other things though. too caught up to notice her. what he doesnt see is her wanting him. she waits for that one. simple. touch. of his hand. But we were built to be broken. he broke her heart, and . i.t. .s.h.a.t.t.e.r.s. .i.n.t.o. .t.h.o.u.s.a.n.d.s. .o.f. .l.i.t.t.l.e. .p.i.e.c.e.s. .a.l.l. .a.c.r.o.s.s. .t.h.e. .f.l.o.o.r. she got hurt. it was real. but after all the love she had, she still knows that we were all made to be broken.. Yea i know all this, but why do I stil feel so helpless..i care about him so deeply, and he doesnt care about me

Posted at 3/23/2004 by melloyellow
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Sunday, March 21, 2004

Maybe someday we could stand straight up with our faces in the wind and scream to the world

Well Well Well...Saturday was WetFest I got dressed and waited for Megan's mommy to pick me up. It was about 2:15 or something so we go to the trailhead. A Year in Rome was playing..i looked at the stage..i saw Paul by the stage he saw me and megan and waved. I walked away though...i didnt want to watch them play..i couldnt. I think Mallory has a pretty voice though. There should be more girl bands. Sam and I always tlak about how we want to be in a band..i just need to learn to play something. anywho Michiele, Kyle, Sean and some other kid were outside so we made friends w/ the dude by the gate and he said we could walk out. So we tlaked to them for a while. I saw Dennis, David, Billy, and Kenny walking to Billy's car. its weird..i use to see them like every week now its like every month. I tlaked to them for a couple of min and I got some chips and a drink. So Michiele and them left so me and mego went back. We were walking along and i saw Adam and he threw me in the fountain thingys. AGAIn. he threw me in there when i got there..so everyone i tlaked to probabaly thought i was a sweatin pig. anywho Well things got crazy after that..the whole megan and casey thing..and the Erika and Robbie thing. just crazy. guys are assholes...ahhhh..why must girls bother. i felt crummy thing like i was gonna puke. i didnt enjoy it. Well it started to get dark and i saw Johnathan w/ his new lip ring...omg i didnt think he could get more beautiful, but he did. hahaha boys in girls pants..its hott. So I was hanging out w/ Sarah, Averell, Erika, Chandler..other mandevillers...and so on. haha we were tlaking about Friends and chandler was like yea im chandler from friends. and erika was like yea and Sarah is Phoebe and i was like i dont know anyone named Joey and Erika was like ha Paul is Joey. Well things passed. I spent the night at Megan's and sneezed the whole night bc of her stupid cats. So we woke up and I ate her food and we layed out. I got SUn! yay 4 me. MEgan even got rolled. they did a bad job though..just the side of her house..took us like 5 min to pick it up. She thinks she knows who did it..anywho we played w/ water guns and silly string..fun stuff. Then I showered and my mommy came. After i just sat around my house. not to exciting. haha dudee about erika and robbie they kissed! Robbie is a new man.. yay 4 Robbie. i love him and her. it was exciting. well i must go to sleep.

Posted at 3/21/2004 by melloyellow
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Thursday, March 18, 2004

Fly through my dreams so I can hitch a ride with you tonight

yes well yesterday was St. Patricks Day. I love that holiday for some strange reason...it was our last day of testing..thank God...then after school was Crest/Shamrock fest. It was just like i thought it was gonna be. Well Ali picked me up then we went to good ol mandeville high school. The jazz band was palying when we got there.there was this guy playing the guitar and he was pretty. So i walked around and said my hellos to ppl. Then this first band came on...cant remember the name...but i think the lead singer is like an indian or something. I felt bad bc no one was really up there listening to them so I watched a lil bit. Then the wild stallions played this kid that likes Ali is the drummer and renee's bf is in the singer or something. I thought they were alright. Ashleigh said the singer sounded like her sis in the shower though...but i figured out the bands tradmark..LONG HAIR..anywho then A SEPERATE SKYLINE played ahh man every boy in that band is beautiful. so like i went to go in the front to hear them play, but ashleigh was like i need to talk to ya. So it looked important so i was like um alright. I saw Paul after that. then i sat w/ ashleigh and ali to watch the beautiful boys play there instruments. I felt bad..ashleigh was really upset. boys are so crummy. I just want to scream sometimes bc there so clueless. Then Erika's brothers band played i cant spell it so im not gonna try. all i know the trumpets are hott. haah Brad is cute 2. The Kevin's band played. i forgot there name though. Kevin is really good on drums...he is also a beautiful boy. the singer was kool 2 Arun introduced me to him..his name is Bob. there band is pretty kool. then it was over. I got a free doughnut, and kevin gave me one of his drumsticks. then after i said byes to ppl and sat around w/ Ali, Sarah, and Amanda. then my mom came. droped ali off. went to sleep. Today was just regular. nothing exciting. one of these days im gonna go to open mic night at Java. This weekend..friday i think its movie night...sat..ive decided to go to Wet Fest..i have high hopes it will be fine. I just gotta be strong. ...the killer in me is the killer in you....

Posted at 3/18/2004 by melloyellow
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Monday, March 15, 2004

I want you to suffer pain, yet im pleased your happy

yesum well this week is Iowa Testing or w/e its so pointless to make freshamn take test since the our test dont have a specific meaning. Its so everyone can see which school has smarter kids..its gay. anywho Today was pretty crappy especially right now. In the morning we did testing..then I went to 1st hour..we did a cureent event about gay priest or something. People are so ignorant. All these guys in my class r like yea gay men are nasty..yet lesbains are hott. WACKOS boys make no since. anywho then I went to lunch. hung aorund w/ Ashleigh and Erika. Then it was off to 2nd hour which is Pe. I talked to Adam for a few min..then Kelly and its so crazy we know like all the same ppls and it was like crazy. then we went over by Brett and Tori. We talked about more things. I played w/ Vicotria's cell phone. I made my name Sarah White.kooliest kid alive b/c i can. Shamrock Fest in Wen. it better be fun 2. im looking forward to it..keep my mind of things. anywho then this afternoon i got in the mess w/ Shawn and blah blah blha, but its getting better. Then i ate watched a lil Austin Powers..my fav part is when Dr. Evil meets Scott for the first time..and i like the begining w/ all the 60's ppl danicng in the streets. Then I came online tlaked to some kids. I talked with Ashleigh too. i heart her. well i gotta go to sleep. goodnight... ..havn't you heard that im gonna be ok?..... i just wish i could get ok faster

Posted at 3/15/2004 by melloyellow
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Saturday, March 13, 2004

My head is saying fool forget him... my heart is saying don't let go

Man o Man well this week was exam week. Not to exciting..I got some pics developed there ok. I have been dying to watch Muppet treasure Island lately, but i dont wanna waste 3 bucks on something i should like own. CRazy. anywho Friday was pretty fun. All day Pe. My pe is pretty kool. I talked to Adam during the study part and we talk about our lives. Then I took my exam. easy breazy...then I talk to Torri and Kelly. haha Kelly was telling me about her bf hes in the band A Seperate Skyline and so is Kyle Riche. o man that boy is gorgous. haha ive thought that for like 2 years. SO yesterday she introduced me to him. anywho after hanging around in the commons for my mother to picks me up I went home. I was gettign bored. Then I hung out w/ Mallory and Lisa. we just sat around and tlaked about things. Looked at her old yearbooks and we played w/ cell phones mostly. Mallory told me something too..shes friends w/ this girl and she was tlaking about her bf's band and like she was like yea the only guy that really came to listen was Paul. So mallory found it it was Mr. Teegarden. so mallory was like yea I know someone who knows him so my name came up i guess or something. So the girl told Mallory that he was like yea i still care about sarah and my respect for her dropped bc of what she did Saturday night. ok well if he did say this its not like he doesnt drink and its not like I do all the time. It was practically a first time thing. anywho and about the carring thing..if he really did he wouldnt have held that girls hand infront of me..yea bc that sure made me feel like shit. just b.c I really do still care about him. im crazy. Im sure SO many ppl get annoyed by me bc of my situation too. i hate it. Crest Fest is Wen. im so excited its gonna so fun. EVERYONE should come March 17 @ MHS commons tix are 6 bucks. Wet fest is this weekend..havnt decided if im going to that. There are so many possitive and negative outcomes of that event. i dont know. guess i shall think about it. Ive been making my summer goals list. I'll probabaly put it on my sub profile..if i ever get it up again. ~*SARAH*~

Posted at 3/13/2004 by melloyellow
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Sunday, March 07, 2004

Don't know why I'm surviving every lonely day/My tears of love are a waste of time

Hello everyone. Nothing to exciting in my life. This week has just been regular. Im in love with my math class. W have fun times. Like I think it was friday we just sat there and tlaked about religion. It was great. My math teacher heard something about me and jamela's convo though. I saved myself though and was like yea I told Jamela I kissed a boy..good save i thought. Friday Night i had the best nap. Liek it was one of those naps were u just feel great. Saturday I dont think I did anything either. I heard there wa sa concert, but I found out about it sunday. i wouldnt have wanted to go anyway. I was grounded this weekend, but I didnt feel like being around a whole mess of ppl i know. I would have probabaly just gotton upset anyway. Sunday I woke up at like 1 and then mallory called so I went to her house and hung out with her. We watched Greese and ate/drank and things. It was great..we were going trhough some of her stuff and we just got the giggles over this certain person and the things they do. I will never look at them the same. anywho well I went home and looked at the classifieds again. Well I should be heading off to bed. Its exam week or something like that. o yea something happened today. I guess all i can say is w/e. I hate guys. I should just stay away from them. or not get emotionally involved. and i cant so the thing to do is dont get involved at all.

I hate myself for thinking about him.

Posted at 3/7/2004 by melloyellow
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Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Everything is for sale underneath the sun, send your dollars in the mail

hmm yea its been a while
I was thinking about how I use to ALWAYS right in this thing even when nothing happened exciting happened to me I just felt joy in writting. I dont know I guess I just forget. This weekend was just well i dunno. I dont like talking about it really. The only ppl that read my journal know what happened so I dont really want to write it ALL the details in here. I'll just give u the basic junk. Friday I just sat at home. My mom was gonna get rid of All our movie channels bc Sex in the City was ending so she was like its not like we need it so when she called the lady offered her free movie channels so now we have like every channel exsiting. its awesome. I go to watch Crossroads. haha yea w/ Britney Spears. Saturday there was a concert at Skyfire. I picked up Aslleigh up and we arrived. .....skyfire.... oh huh. That night well I was upset and well im sure it showed. the only joy out of the whole night was watching gang of creeps and disgarded toys. Sunday I had to clean bc my mom was pissed that I called her around midnight ot pick me up. it wasnt to bad. Well its been about a month since me and Paul broke up. I still find myself thinking about him. sure People tell me some things and yea there beliveable, but it gets me So FRUSTRATED. i mean all guys are just ahhh i hate them. Yea ive learned some stuff, but im stupid and well im not over him. sometimes i just wonder why and hate myself for it. he sure hasnt noticed so I should just not care. Casey is coming back from school and Ami wants everyone to hang out at the movies or something. I didnt reallydidnt want to go to the movies until Secret Windown comes out. i cant wait for that. johnny depp is so gorgous. While i was catching a glimpse of the oscars i saw him..holly molly he is beautiful. well anyway about hanging out at the movies this weekend. I dont know. I want my pictures developed. I hope they dont come out bad since im stupid and used the flash button like twice. Well today went quite well acually
1st hour- i got a 100 on my geography test! i only studied for like 10 min too. We watched this movie about North Korea or something. its crazy..the kids are like yea we want all americans dead. Like the president or w/e they call the head dude over there is a wacko. Its a communist country though so bacially if your against him..your life is hell. its sad. They said they have enough junk to make 6 nuculear weapons. whiich makes u wonder..since our "President" only cares about Iraq so we can get our oil and stuff..dont u think we should handle things w/ the North korea ppl? I sure think so.
2nd hour- I ditched my pe class to hang w/ Adam. I didnt feel like walkingthe track again. He didnt even notice i wasnt there anyway.
3rd hour-english class is so boring..theres nothing to say
4th hour- got to talk to Sam
lunch- hung out w/ Kate, leigh and chelsea..i never see them anymore. It is so crazy..me and kate talked everyday and we were so involved w/ each others lives that now i hardly know even who she likes anymore. so our catching up time is nice.
6th hour- busy work
7th hour- turned in my project and tlaked to Adam
after school my dad took me to Taco Bell :D and i have no homework so hopefully there is a decent movie on. everyone is watching runaway jury. haha i had NO clue robbie was in it. thats crazy. I'll have to check it out.

Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
Just don't forget to think about me
And I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she said
Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off
Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything
But I'd go through hell for you and
I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's and ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me.......

Posted at 3/2/2004 by melloyellow
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